‘I feel loved when my partner tells me “I love You.”.’
‘I feel loved when my partner spends time with me!’
‘I feel loved when someone takes care of me, especially when I am sick.’
‘I feel loved when I get personalized gifts!’
‘I feel loved when I can hold hands, kiss, and touch the other person.’
Which of these sentences do you resonate with you the most?
‘The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts’ is a best-seller book by Gary Chapman, Ph.D., that describes the five unique styles of communicating love. He distilled these categories from his experience in marriage counseling and linguistics. Chapman’s theory explains how a person feels most loved (Surijah & Septiarly, 2016).
Chapman (2010) concludes that there are five ways men and women say and understand love or feelings; he calls this ‘Love Language’. They are ass follows:
1. Words of Affirmation
‘Affirmation’ means that people feel loved when they receive praise or positive feedback from loved ones. These include verbal encouragement and/or frequent digital communications such as messaging and social media interactions (Surijah & Septiarly, 2016; Nguyen, 2020).
2. Quality Time
People under this category experience their feeling of being most loved when their partner actively wants to spend time with them as well as always makes time for them. They especially appreciate it when active listening, eye contact, and total presence are priority relationship traits (Nguyen, 2020). They like having meaningful conversations and sharing recreational activities like cooking a meal together, walking by the beach, and so on.
3. Acts of Service
Chapman (2010) describes this as the style wherein an individual appreciates their partner going out of their way to make their life easier. It may include acts such as bringing food when you’re sick, making you a cup of coffee in the morning, or getting you groceries when you’ve had a busy day at work. These people value actions over words and appreciate their partners doing small or big tasks for them.
4. Gifts
Everyone loves gifts, and Chapman (2010) calls it ‘visual symbols of love’. People whose love language is gifting appreciate the symbolic thought behind the item. They recognize and enjoy the gift-giving process especially the careful thought, deliberate choice of the object that represents the relationship, and the emotional benefits of receiving a gift (Nguyen, 2020). It is more than just the monetary value.
5. Physical Touch
These people feel loved by receiving caresses and skin-to-skin contact (Surijah & Septiarly, 2016). Physical signs of affection, including kissing, holding hands, cuddling on the couch, and sex, build closeness. Physical touch can be an amazingly affirming act and a powerful emotional connector for people with this love language. Some people only feel deep affection and love from their parents when they are hugged, kissed, or touched (Nguyen, 2020).
Love languages help us understand and communicate our needs. These languages can also be widely influenced by our culture (Karandashev, 2015), and everyone thus has a unique style through which they feel most loved. By communicating needs and fulfilling them in the way one understands, relationships can blossom better and flourish .
References
Chapman, G. (2010). The 5 love languages: The secret to love that lasts. Chicago, IL: Northfield Pub.
Karandashev, V. (2015). A cultural perspective on romantic love. Online Readings in Psychology and Culture, 5(4), 2307-0919.
Nguyen, J. (2021, December 16). Why everyone’s talking about love languages these days & how to find yours. mindbodygreen. Retrieved March 25, 2022, from https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-5-love-languages-explained
Surijah, E. A., & Septiarly, Y. L. (2016). Construct validation of five love languages. Anima Indonesian Psychological Journal, 31(2), 65-76.
